What happened to fall?

T

oday is Halloween—October 31. I remember going out on Halloween night and collecting candy from the neighbors. We used to rake in the candy. My sister and I used pillow cases—large pillow cases—to collect the candy. And we typically returned to the house to dump the candy out onto our beds when the pillow case was full. Then we headed back out to the place where we had left off to continue our tour of the neighborhood. We usually filled the pillow cases three times before our parents told us that it was getting too late to head back out again.

Another thing I remember about Halloween was the hope for a brisk, chilly fall evening. We knew we’d be dressed up in our costumes and would get hot pretty easily, so we always hoped for a cool evening to help dissipate some of that heat. Our hopes in that regard were seldom realized. In Virginia, the daytime temperature in late October is quite often in the high 70s and the evening temperature usually falls off to the mid 60s—not what you’d consider cool or crisp.

But fortunately for today’s kids, my generation has created enough of an impact on the world to develop global warming. You might have noticed global warming’s impact in the weather patterns. The indications of global warming are:

• warmer temperatures than normal
• increased storm activity
• volatile weather patterns

Additional indications are:

• cooler temperatures than normal
• decreased storm activity
• more stable weather patterns

An extensive study into the causes of these life-threatening changes/lack of changes in the weather has revealed that there are two primary causes for global warming (known as global climate change during cooler weather patterns):

1. President George W. Bush
2. people voting Republican

A third likely reason that is mentioned only when it has been proven that the other two reasons have no meteorological impact at all is George W. Bush. Although the third reason might seem like it’s the same as the first reason, it is usually stated as, “Bush’s fault,” thereby rendering it a completely different reason and who are you to question the obvious evidence of science anyway? you probably also believe in the 2nd amendment and God.

Anyway, it’s cold this year. So cold, in fact, that Virginia had the earliest snow storm I recall us ever having. And I’m really old, so I have a good collection of data on this. Here are some pictures I took this past Saturday morning showing the evidence of the damage George W. Bush has had on the environment.

My son standing in stunned amazement

The fall decorations on our front porch against the winter backdrop

The view from our back porch

My son’s tire swing (from the side porch)

Another beautiful fall tree (across the street)