1 Corinthians 4:3-5
What about me? Have I been faithful? Well, it matters very little what you or anyone else thinks. I don’t even trust my own judgment on this point. My conscience is clear, but that isn’t what matters. It is the Lord himself who will examine me and decide. So be careful not to jump to conclusions before the Lord returns as to whether or not someone is faithful. When the Lord comes, he will bring our deepest secrets to light and will reveal our private motives. And then God will give to everyone whatever praise is due.
T
his passage was horribly convicting to me today. It is a warning to us to avoid jumping to conclusions. All too often, we look at what someone does, and we immediately think we know why they did it. We assume we have all the facts. We are quick to assume the worst, too, assigning negative thoughts behind actions. Instead, we should be gracious in our thought life, giving the benefit of the doubt to our brother or sister when we are injured. Paul spends more time on this later in his letter to the Corinthians in chapter 13.
I see this so often in my children. One will be less than careful and accidentally bump into another. The one bumped flies off the handle, assuming that he was bumped on purpose. “You are always beating up on me.” An argument ensues, fueled by an assumption that has no basis in fact. Instead, they would do well to assume nothing. They need to look around, observe facts, and even ask questions if necessary. “Ouch, that bump hurt, was there a reason you did that?” This begins with the assumption of innocence, and gives the offender an opportunity to explain their actions. It also has the end goal of reconciliation.
Recently, I had a disagreement with a leadership team in the way something was handled. I was offended. I and my husband went to the director and shared my concerns with her. In the process, we tripped over our communication, and feelings were further injured. We walked away, angry and hurt. But my sister in Christ came up to us, offering to take responsibility for the actions that resulted in our injury. She offered to go on a fact-finding mission and then meet with us again to resolve our conflict. But she would not let us leave offended. She made it clear that she wanted reconciliation as soon as possible. I was SOOOO impressed. I felt that she had put our relationship above her need to be right.
About a week later, we met again with another member of the leadership team, and as we went through the details of the issue, concessions were made on both sides, taking responsibility for the communication meltdown. Progress was made on the issue itself, and we reconciled our emotions as well. I have deep respect for this sister in Christ. She is an incredible woman to begin with, but I was so impressed by her willingness to put our relationship ahead of her own reputation.
There were a couple of things that went right in this instance. When I was offended, I went directly to the person and let her know my feelings were hurt. I didn’t take the issue to five other people and let it “get back” to her. This gave her an opportunity to explain her thinking behind her actions. This also gave her an opportunity to explain facts of which I had no knowledge. Yes, my feelings were hurt. But, by God’s grace, I resisted the urge to nurse my injuries and let everyone know how hurt I was. I wanted resolution, not sympathy.
My sister also wanted resolution. She listened to my concerns, and rather than being offended by my questions and my hurts, she sought the facts. She placed our relationship above her need to be right. Her goal was to quickly resolve this conflict so that we could serve together joyfully.
This is how it is supposed to work, and I am incredibly humbled that God allowed me the opportunity to be involved in this conflict. After many years in Christian ministry, I have seen very few times when a conflict was handled biblically with the goal of restoration of fellowship. But this time I witnessed a godly woman step outside her own needs to make amends to an offended sister.
As I read this passage this morning, I was convicted that it all could have gone south if I had simply assumed the worst of the ministry team, complained bitterly to others and nursed my wounds. I have done that regularly in my marriage, in my friendships, at work, and in the family of God. But by God’s grace, I actually did the right thing this time. The outcome was favorable because both of us acted with a heart for preserving our relationship, and God gets the glory! Our behavior was not the norm, rather, it was the result of the Holy Spirit at work within each of us, transforming us into the image of His dear Son. I am trusting that what I have learned through this experience will be applied with the conflicts that I face every day.
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