What’s in a name?

Often parents try to choose their childrens’ names by looking at the meanings of those names. For example, my name is Richard, which means "powerful ruler." Of course, my parents weren’t trying to make any particular statement with that name choice other than the fact that my father is also named Richard. And my name didn’t really predict my eventual outcome—at least not so far.

But some names do. Really. And not even necessarily given names. Last names... family names, sometimes tell the whole story as well.

For example, what do you think you could glean about a person whose last name is Stoner? If you haven’t figured anything out yet, let me help you with an excerpt from the most recent news snippet about this guy:

In 2007, Stoner was ordered into a pre-trial intervention program after a December 2006 arrest on charges of possession and manufacture of marijuana.

Yeah... that kind of Stoner. Oh—and why does every bizarre thing that happens in the United States happen in Pinellas County, Florida?

Read about this perfectly named dude here: [Man Named Stoner Arrested on Drug Charges]

Get it before inflation hits

L

ast night my son asked me, “Dad, why are girls so hard to understand?” To which I answered helpfully, “get used to it.” But this morning a friend told me about this great device that may help my son in his quest for understanding of the feminine species (I’d say the feminine sex or try to be current, albeit grammatically incorrect by saying the feminine gender - but when it comes to language, we are clearly different species). So, I pass along the advice to all my brothers out there who need help deciphering what a woman says:

You gotta love Facebook

 

Grammar rules to remember

A

fter a long and extremely busy week of writing, editing, and performing all manner of literary futility, I have finally reached the weekend. It is now time for photography and music.

This week commemorated the 27th wedding anniversary of my good friends John and Arlene Coulter. I remember sitting with my girlfriend (now my wife) at their reception and thinking about how great it would be to get married.

So, in honor of John and Arlene’s anniversary, I present Arlene’s grammar rules for grammarians.

Grammar Rules for Grammarians—and the rest of us

• Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
• And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.
• It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
• Avoid clichés like the plague.
• Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
• Be more or less specific.
• Remarks in brackets (however relevant) are (usually) (but not always) unnecessary.
• Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
• No sentence fragments.
• Contractions aren’t necessary and shouldn’t be used.
• Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
• Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
• One should NEVER generalize.
• Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
• Don’t use no double negatives.
• Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
• One-word sentences? Eliminate.
• Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
• The passive voice is to be ignored.
• Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
• Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
• Kill all exclamation points!!!
• Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
• Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas.
• Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when its not needed.
• Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
• If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
• Puns are for children, not groan readers.
• Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
• Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
• Who needs rhetorical questions?
• Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

 

Get out of debt – NOW!

Important and sage advice to launch your work week. Get out of debt with this unique program:

 

It’s Friday - The Pool Is Now Open!

 

The reason we have a bunny

Ignore the long, slow, and boring opening. Once it gets rolling, this video is great!

Another one rides the bus

A tribute to my current commuting pattern.

A blonde joke to start your week

My wife’s blonde, but this is still really funny. (Oh ... and that’s not my wife in the video.)

Turn-about’s fair play. As long as I’m making some of the women feel dissed, here’s one to reveal the inadequacies of all us men:

 

The basis of US law—hypotheticals

A

nother great political cartoon from Stilton Jarlsberg [Hope n' Change Cartoons]. This guy has a great way of expressing the craziness at high political levels in terms that make it very easy to see how crazy the politicians and other leaders have become. Today’s cartoon is about the pseudo legal ruling that blocked portions of the Arizona immigration law.

 

New product recommendation

 

It’s the Dad Life

Sometimes you just have to place a self-serving post. And this one takes the cake—banana bread cupcake, I guess.

 

What more can be said?

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An Independence Day message from ourFounding Fathers

Okay—this may not be an actual historically accurate jam session from our founding fathers, but it’s pretty funny. No offense intended to my British friends.

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

 

This is the ultimate world view video

 

Empathy is a virtue

O

ur nation has become increasingly polarized. At times it seems to be too large a divide to repair the rift. But as a word-nerd, I have taken a look at the whole situation from the perspective of an editor. And as a lifelong Washingtonian, I have consider it all from the perspective of a consultant. And I believe combining those two perspectives has helped me to gain an insight into how we might be able to bridge the current political gap—we need to develop empathy.

And often empathy is simply a matter of understanding our perceived opponent in context. Or, more accurately, of seeing the world as the other person sees it. This allows us to better understand that person’s point of view. That understanding will encourage empathy in us. And maybe, as the wise sage Rodney King once encouraged, we will be able to learn how to “all just get along,”

The following observations and suggestions are proferred to that end. Can’t we all just get along?

Problem 1: The 10 Commandments

The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is simply a matter of understanding the unique difficulties of the people who work in courthouses—lawyers, judges, and politicians. Carefully consider what the Ten Commandments encourages and then think about how that might seem to people in those professions.

The Ten Commandments include Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie.

We may not post the Ten Commandments in a courthouse full of lawyers, judges and politicians because it creates a hostile work environment.

See. That wasn’t too difficult, was it? Let’s try some more.

Problem 2: The Constitution

The allied forces that helped to liberate Iraq from Saddam Hussein have made much bluster about helping Iraq set up a constitutional democracy and helping them draft a constitution.

Why don’t we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for more than 200 years, and we’re not using it anymore.

Problem 2 solved.

Problem 3: Cows and illegal immigration

This one requires a little bit more thought. But consider this: During the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow born in Canada almost three years earlier right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington. And they traced her claves to their stalls.

But our government is unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country.

Maybe we should just give each of them a cow.

See how much help a small degree of empathy provides?

 

Letter from a Floridian

I received this in an email from a coworker and thought I should share it with you. Enjoy.

My neighbor is a "lefty" of sorts (Obama bumper stickers, gung-ho Socialized medicine, "guns should be banned", etc.). So this past spring I put this sign up in my yard after one of his anti-gun rants at a neighborhood Cocktail party. The sign wasn't up more than an hour before he called the police and wanted them to make me take down the sign. Fortunately, the officer politely informed him that it was not their job to take such action without a court order and that he had to file a complaint "downtown" first, which would be reviewed by the city attorney to see if it violated any city, county, or state ordinances, which if there was a violation a court order would be sent to the offending party (me) to "remove the sign in seven days."

After several weeks he was informed that the sign was legal (by a quarter of an inch) and there was nothing the city could do, which obviously made him madder.

I tried to smooth things over by inviting him to go shooting with me and my friends at the hunt club but that seemed to make him even more angry.

I am at a loss how to reconcile our long relationship (notice I did not say friendship). Any suggestions would be welcome.

Anyway, that's life in our neck of the woods, how about yours?

Click photo to enlarge

 

Letter from the boss

Dear Employees:

As the CEO of this organization, I have resigned myself to the fact that Barrack Obama is our President and that our taxes and government fees will increase in a BIG way. To compensate for these increases, our prices would have to increase by about 10%. But since we cannot increase our prices right now due to the dismal state of the economy, we will have to lay off sixty of our employees instead. This has really been bothering me since I believe we are family here and I didn't know how to choose who would have to go.

So, this is what I did. I walked through our parking lots and found sixty 'Obama' bumper stickers on our employees' cars and have decided these folks will be the ones to let go. I can't think of a more fair way to approach this problem. They voted for change ... I gave it to them.

I will see the rest of you at the annual company picnic.

—THE BOSS

You’re wrong!

HT: Phil Johnson

Render unto Caesar?

Perhaps these drug smugglers used their choice of concealment technique based on the fact that Jesus told us to “render unto Caesar the things that are Caesar’s.”