February 03, 2010

Obama adresses the Democrats


oday, President Barack Obama addressed his fellow Democrats. His address was in the form of a pep-talk, presumably to cheer up the hapless group of autocrats regarding recent stinging defeats at the polls.

Seeing as the president’s recent State of the Union address lasted well more than an hour, I thought I would summarize what I’ve heard from the president so far as he tries to encourage his fellow Democrats to hold the faith—that would be the faith in the stupidity of the American electorate and the faith in the Democrats need to force their agenda on us:


It’s nice to meet with you today. I’d like to remind you that we knew this first year would be a particularly difficult year to govern. We inherited a bunch of bad stuff from the terrible last president, Bush. In fact, President Bush waged expensive wars. President Bush spent a lot of money in economic recovery and bailouts. President Bush spent lots of money in tax reductions. And we have worked hard to overcome where those terrible Bush policies have brought us by continuing all of these policies, except at a much greater level of spending.

You should feel good that you have been able to continue the disastrous Bush policies, but can now describe them as “fiscal responsibility.”

You have also had to fight the mean and nasty Republicans who have been so not-nice in legislative committee and on the floor. You have had to vote to break more filibusters than were voted on during all of the decades between 1200 BC and 1779. That’s 2,979 years worth of obstruction that the mean Republicans have packed into one year.

Bush did really bad stuff. Everything that looks bad in the world right now was caused by Bush. Bush was a failure. Bush was mean. Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush. And furthermore, Bush. And don't forget that Bush.

Thank you for your time and for making this administration the most transparent and most effective administration in the history of civilization, in spite of the fact that we inherited from Bush lots of really bad stuff that led to everything bad that has happened in the entire world this past year. Remember that were it not for us, all of those bad things that Bush caused would be way worse.


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