I have struggled with pride all my life. I expect others to be every bit as impressed with me as I am with myself. That's not how it usually works.
It seems to be worse in church, though. I try very hard to make things better in my local church in the areas in which God has gifted me. I volunteer for many projects and try to be involved in anything related to music, graphic design, editing, and teaching. I think I typically begin these quests in order to help out and to have a positive impact. But when it seems that my efforts are not appreciated, my feelings are hurt or I get angry or I quit.
I have an exaggerated reaction when something I would like to do, for which I feel I am highly qualified, is given to someone else who is less qualified or whom I think is unqualified to do the job. I let this bother me greatly ... and I should not.
The passage in the callout box in this post was part of my devotions this morning. And it struck me that I am the one being addressed here. I have approached my service in the church as an employee and not as a servant (slave). An employee expects to get ahead with hard work and successful completion of projects. That is not necessarily the way it works for a servant. If a servant does what he is expected to do (hard work and successful completion of tasks), he has done his duty and should not expect to get a pat on the back—or a mention from the pulpit for his outstanding service.
Perhaps one of the reasons why I have trouble maintaining my personal bible study is because every time I pick up the bible and read it my toes get stepped on. But then, that's the reason I need to read and study the bible daily.
Can anyone say, "Catch-22"?
Dear Richard, Your honesty humbles me. If only we were all as honest with ourselves as you. I am sending prayers of encouragement your way, that you will continue with our Father's work with renewed energy and a humble heart. Your church is fortunate to have you. :) Blessings from your friend, Peggy
ReplyDeleteThanks, Peggy, I always appreciate your comments here. I feel like you're a friend who actually cares.
ReplyDeleteThe honesty is the first part (and I think the easier part) of the total journey. Now I actually have to change my attitude. And that's not usually very easy to accomplish.
Thanks for the prayers.
Richard, I agree with Peggy, I appreciate your honesty. And we are all like this, only we don't admit it nearly often enough.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I have the right reaction when jealousy or feeling slighted comes over me. I look it in the face and ask God to use it to help me in my journey in this life.
I think the key is to make good use of these feelings before we work on changing our attitude. In fact, I find that I really can't change my attitude. But what I can do, which eventually does cause the problem to go away, is to acknowledge that I am having it, and to ask God to use it in a positive way in my life.
One positive is that I'm reminded I'm a sinner in need of the grace of Christ.
Another positive is, I frankly get a kick out of facing a monstrosity of an emotion in me and quietly saying, "Hello, there, I'm going to make good use out of you."
It's as though that is the quickest way to make the emotion vanish away -- as though it's a demon and that's the LAST thing it wanted to hear, so it leaves.
So I find that facing and embracing the negative emotion in a positive way is what actually helps me to change my attitude the quickest.
Lynn - That is great advice. Thank you. I had never even considered that this situation could be a matter of spiritual warfare, and I think you've hit on a good concept for many areas that are personal stumbling blocks for us.
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