Update on Sometimes It Is Blessed to Receive

 

Original post from September 21

L

ate yesterday afternoon I received word from my surgeon on the results of the CAT scan. They found one large mass and three smaller ones on the parotid gland, which is a salivary gland in front of the ear and at the back of the jaw. He referred me to an ENT (ear, nose, and throat) doctor. I will call today to make an appointment. Surgery is necessary. I’m not sure if the ENT will do a biopsy before surgery or just schedule surgery for removal of the gland and biopsy it then.

I asked if it was possibly cancerous, and the surgeon said “it is suspicious.” The surgery is tricky because of the facial nerves which run through that area, that’s why I was referred to the ENT.

Prayer requests:

I am a musician who plays clarinet in an orchestra. I also teach private voice, clarinet, and piano in a music studio. The possibility exists, though remotely, that the surgery could damage nerves that limit my function as a musician. Though it is not as important as my health, it is still a concern for me. Pray that I will be content with whatever direction God takes in this area. My gifts are His to give or set aside for His glory.

My family is obviously concerned. They are incredible people, and my husband has been an absolute rock to me in this journey. He is my best friend. My children are also incredible. Pray that God will comfort them all as they journey through this with me. Pray, too, that this journey will draw them closer to God and teach them to trust Him even in the rough places.

Pray that I will continue to acknowledge the full range of emotions as I whether this storm. It's healthier, and it's also more humble. I want to be an opportunity to shine God's glory, but my vessel won't be as shiny if I am not honest with myself and others.

Praises:

I could give you about ten neat things that God has done already that demonstrate that He has already prepared this path ahead of me. Among them are a lighter schedule this year (due to my husband's insistence that I not over commit), fairly complete school lesson plans that I was obsessed with doing this summer, a required summer rest that restored a weakened spirit, and a tremendous support system in my immediate family, friends, and an awesome church family.

Sometimes It’s Blessed to Receive

It is far easier for me to offer encouragement to the hurting than to accept that I also need someone to fuss over me. I am such an optimist, that when I actually feel emotional pain or discomfort, I run from it. I try to pretend it isn’t there. Though I may tell 100 people that it’s okay and good to grieve, sometimes I forget that truth for myself.

That’s why it’s been hard to admit that I’m actually having negative emotions in my current trial. But I'm going to step out of my comfort zone here, and let you in on my struggle.

I have had a lump on the side of my neck for about three months. It has gotten bigger, so I finally made an appointment with the family doctor. I got in to see him on September 14th. He’s a super guy, and so when he was rather concerned, I went on my usual rabbit hole search. I just ignored the emotions and dealt with the facts. He told me it was likely a lymph node and that the first step would be bloodwork to rule out lymphoma. He said, “hopefully that will relieve some of our concerns." The second step was to meet with a surgeon "as soon as you can get in.”

Well, the bloodwork came back normal, and yes, that did set aside some fear that I was refusing to acknowledge. Thursday morning I met with a surgeon who again told me that it probably wasn't lymphoma, since I lacked most of the classic symptoms, and that was good news. However, the lump was not close to the skin, but deeper, and before he could biopsy it, he wanted to see what it was and where it was. So I was to be scheduled for a CAT scan “as soon as possible.”

So this morning I am going in for a CAT scan. It is very hard for me to let myself know, let alone others, that I am worried (it was even hard to type the word, “worried” just now). I have been fairly comfortable sharing with others the need for prayer, and the calls from dear friends who demand that I give them a call if I need anything have been wonderful. I’m just uncomfortable being on the needy side. I told a friend last week that one of the emotions I was ignoring was that I find it repulsive to be sick and needy—not in others, as I just love to swoop in and help. But when the focus shifts to my needs, it’s just really, really uncomfortable. But God has placed me here, and now it’s time for me to listen rather than speak—and for those of you who know me even remotely well, THAT is rather difficult in itself!!

Nothing is worth having unless God gives it to me, and God will NEVER give me anything that isn’t worth having.

Surely I would love for you to pray that all the tests turn out well, that surgery isn’t necessary and that it will go away on its own. However, I think there is a greater need here for which I would like you to pray. God has placed me here so that I can enjoy the fellowship of His saints. He wants to give them an opportunity to serve Him by meeting my needs. He may even wish to let me handle the rough road by relying on Him instead of myself. So instead of praying for my health alone, pray too for my spiritual health, that I may not run from my emotions, but instead take them to my loving Savior and my wonderful friends. Pray that I will grow more like my Savior in this time of uncertainty, and that I would seek His glory rather than my own comfort.

This I know from past experience: There WILL be a God Story on the other side of this trial, and I look forward to the opportunity to tell it. God always does amazing things. But while I am IN it, I want to be a witness to God’s awesome lovingkindness and mercy.

So as you pray for the results and outcome, please pray for my spirit to be humble and resolved. Pray that I won’t crawl into hiding from the negative emotions and pretend they don’t exist. Pray too, that I will be transparent with myself and the wonderful saints in my life about my needs.

Now, I’m closing with my personal “creed,” which I wrote while still in college with my friend, Rich, over 25 years ago. I arrived at this statement while trying to make sense of my difficult childhood. I have found this statement to be biblically true, and have yet to be disappointed in trusting the God of whom it speaks.

Nothing is worth having unless God gives it to me, and God will NEVER give me anything that isn’t worth having. I know that His desire is for me to partake of the Divine nature, to become like His dear Son, as well as to bring Him glory.

Thanks for partaking with me in this journey by your prayers and words of encouragement!

Jehovah Jireh – our provider

God’s care will carry you so you can carry others.
                 —Robert Harold Schuller

God

has provided! As we knew he would. Although this has been a harrowing experience filled with trepidation as home after home fell through and we saw the move-out deadline fast approaching, all along the way we rested in God’s loving care and providence.

The front of our new house

That does not mean that we had it all together for that entire time. There were moments when our confidence faltered—especially mine. There were moments when we questioned what God was doing. But the whole time we knew that God had a plan and was moving things into place at exactly the right moment for all involved—including our current (now previous) landlord, the new family that is slated to move into the church’s house that we have lived in up until now, our new neighbors, our new landlord, us, etc.

One of the rooms

Last night at about 7:30pm we received a phone call from our real estate agent informing us that one of the two houses that we had applied for the prior day had been offered to us for rent. This closes a four-month process of diligent searching for a new home—a process that has seen more walls and dead-ends than I could ever have imagined. But each of these was an answer to prayer because right at the start of this we asked God to make his will clear by closing doors he did not want us to walk through and opening the one he had planned for us.

And so, God has now opened the door to our new home, a new community, new neighbors, new adventures, new blessings, and new opportunities to serve him and others. Soli Deo gloria!

The view from the back porch

The home is a 1940s farmhouse on about one acre of land in a quiet neighborhood in downtown Front Royal, Virginia. It has historic wood floors (that have just been refinished). The backyard is huge with well cared-for grass and a handful of large trees. A deep, full-width front porch and a full-width screened-in back porch looking at the mountains.

Ephesians 3:20–21

Now to him who is able to do far more abundant than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

The home has three bedrooms, two and a half baths—with a Jacuzzi tub in the master bath. There is a large library on the first floor, a large dining room, and a large living room and an unfinished basement downstairs that opens out the back to the backyard, under the back porch. God has provided, as Paul proclaimed, “far more abundantly than all that we ask or think” (Ephesians 3:20), and we really love it!

I want to thank all of you who have been praying with us throughout this process. And please join with us in praise to our great and awesome God, who has worked his will in exactly his timing—as he always does.

Praise God, from whom all blessings flow!

Striving together in prayer

 

Meg McGinnis

Y

ou’re not in it alone.

I have been convinced in recent days of the necessity for Christians to show love to one another. This may sound like an obvious thing, but I don’t think we do such a good job at it.

I have been somewhat self-focused for the past few months as we have struggled with finding a new home to live in. But along the way, many of my Christian brothers and sisters have gone through severe trials as well. Close friends of mine have made emergency trips to the hospital, others have gone through surgery, some have lost their jobs, some have seen severe illness hit multiple immediate family members at the same time. If I remain focused on myself, I am not able to encourage those friends and I forget to hold them up before the throne of grace.

James 1:2-7

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

My friend Meg McGinnis has been going through some tough times recently. She has written about it on her blog, Meg’s Journey. Meg posted a recent article in which she discussed The Testing of Our Faith. She quotes James 1:2–7 in that post. This is a great encouragement and something we all need to remember as we go through our own trials.

And then we need to remember to take the time to encourage others and to pray for them. I think it actually helps us to realize that others are in need of our support, our encouragement, our prayers, and our love.

3-step program from God

Psalm 50:15

Call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify me.

W

e have been looking for a new home for a few months. We have waited on the Lord to show us the path he wants us to take. Our efforts have born little fruit, but we know that ultimately God controls all things and moves things along for his greater glory and for our benefit and blessing.

But as our landlords’ move-out date has gotten closer and closer, my faith has begun to tremble. I know God is in total control, but I also really don’t want to move my family to the street or to a homeless shelter.

But this morning I was reminded of Psalm 50:15, which I have thought of as God’s 3-Step Program. To directly quote the verse, here are the three steps:

1. Call upon me in the day of trouble
2. I will deliver you
3. You shall glorify me.

That doesn’t sound so hard, does it?

So, this past Friday we filled out an application for a small rental property in Front Royal, Virginia. I have asked many friends to pray about this situation—to pray that God would work these things out to his honor and glory and would see fit to open the pathway to a new home for our family.

We should hear an answer about this home by midweek. So I am entreating all of you to pray with me that God will work this situation out. His 3-Step Program says to call on him in the day of trouble—I believe that this situation qualifies as “the day of trouble.” He then promises to deliver those who call on him in this way.

And then he says, “you shall glorify me.”

So if you pray with us about this you will have a commitment to fulfill. When God answers this prayer and gives us a home, you must join us in glorifying God.

Will you make that commitment and join us in prayer?

I will update you all soon—and we will shout praises to our God together!

Daniel and Darius

The story is told of Daniel of old
  Who each morn knelt down to pray.
In spite of the thing declared by the King,
  Three times he would kneel each day.

He honored his Lord, the God he adored;
  His promise he would not forget.
And when at the throne, his deeds became known
  His decree would the king soon regret.

For he realized then, it was off to the den
  For the servant he'd grown to admire.
And he could not revoke the words that he spoke,
  Though that was his deep desire.

The lions that night had a terrible fright,
  When angels appeared in the den.
The lions behaved, and Daniel was saved;
  But not so for all the kings' men!

—Mary Fuller, 1998